Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
