I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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