I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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