jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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