I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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