hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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