You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
