Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
and you fell through a lawn chair
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
