He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
