This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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