I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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