"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
