You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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