i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
a search helicopter?!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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