I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
