one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
