My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
