I accidentally burped into my bong.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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