No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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