Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
