It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
