Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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