not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
