I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
