He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
