Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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