Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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