I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
