i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
