i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
