why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
