Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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