I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she smelled like a LAN party
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
