just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
