my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
