Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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