That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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