u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
