Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
