So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
