you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
