so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
