Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
