so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize