Cold hands, warm shart.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
