Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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