I feel like abortions should bother me more
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we should paint friendship bongs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
