i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
