Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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