When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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