What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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