Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
