id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize