I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
