he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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