No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
do herpes really smell.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
