I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
whose parrot is this?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
