my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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