That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
