omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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