my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
